So Cold
by SarcasticChoices
Summary: An alternate version to the ending of episode 1x12, We Are Grounders (Bellarke)


**Hello! I got this idea and had to write it! I hope you like it. It is an alternate version of episode 1x12. Enjoy**

Bellamy Blake hung swinging wildly, gasping for breath, thrashing around desperately trying to survive. It wasn't that he felt he didn't deserve to die. In fact quite the opposite. He felt that he absolutely deserved to die. His mother died because of him. His sister was locked up because of him. He shot someone. Three hundred and twenty people died because he was a selfish bastard, because he did not want to die, because he had been afraid. And yet, now, as he was thrashing around he wasn't afraid to die. He was afraid of leaving everyone behind. He felt truly responsible for what was left of the hundred. And with Clarke gone, he was the only leader they still had. He was afraid of leaving Octavia behind. He couldn't just abandon her, leave her alone. Not like their father. Not like their mother. On some level he knew she wouldn't be alone. Jasper, Raven and the others would all be there for her. But if he admitted that to himself he would have to admit that she might not need him anymore. So he didn't. He was going to be fine. Raven was going to get the door open, they would catch Murphy and kill him and they could go out to find Clarke, Finn and Monty. Jasper had been right. They didn't abandon their own. His vision started to fade, his mind starting to it happened.

The door opened. Bellamy was aware of people rushing in, Jasper grabbed his legs and held him up. Bellamy's clammy hands grasping at his throat, desperately gasping for air. Octavia cut down the rope and he fell to the floor. Octavia rushed over to him. Asking him if he was okay, checking on him, caring for him, doing what he had always done for her. Bellamy pushed himself into a standing position and yelled after Murphy who had escaped up to the top of drop ship. His gravelly voice yelled after him. Struggling to climb the ladder her tried to push through the hatch. He banged his shoulders again and again into it and it wouldn't budge. Finally an explosion went off and when they finally got up to the top Murphy had escaped out of whole that he blew up using the rest of the gunpowder. Bellamy wanted to slump to the ground right then and there. He wanted to sleep. To pretend that he hadn't almost died, that grounders weren't coming to attack them at any moment, he wanted to pretend they didn't even exist, or least pretend they had a chance at beating them.. He wanted to pretend Clarke was here and worriedly doing her doctor thing and checking his throat and that Finn was standing there with her watching anxiously, that Monty was outside hugging Jasper after he almost died. But he couldn't. He was no child. He had demons that needed to slayed. He had to be a leader. He had to show them that he was fine and that they needed to get back to preparing for a grounder attack. And so he forced himself onto autopilot and climbed back down the ladder, declaring that the grounders would take care of Murphy and that he was fine. He was fine.

Jasper came up to him, shaking slightly and wrapped his arms around Bellamy, startled Bellamy just stood there. Jasper's quiet whisper of thanks surprised Bellamy. He didn't deserve the thanks, if he had been a better leader, and stopped them from hurting Murphy it wouldn't have happened, or if he hadn't allowed Murphy back to camp. That was another death that weighed him down. Another death that was on him. When he looked up he saw Octavia smiling a light feeling entered his chest. And he smiled.

And then he stopped swinging.

Clarke and Finn were off running back to camp, the second the gunshot rang through the air. Clarke's thoughts went whizzing past so fast she couldn't rationalize any of them. What if the grounders were attacking? What if someone was dying that she would have been able to save? What if it was Jasper, Monty or Octavia? Bellamy would go insane if Octavia died. Jasper and Monty wouldn't be Jasper and Monty without one of them. What if it a mere child? Someone like Charlotte. They were approaching the gates to the camp when loud sobs broke out.

"No! Bellamy! No!" A sharp voice cried out. "No!". A foreboding air hung around the trees. Then they must have heard Clarke and Finn because suddenly guns were being cocked and feet pounded the ground in the direction of the gate.

"Wait, hold on, it's Clarke and Finn! Quick, open the gates!" The gate was quickly opened and they rushed inside. Something had happened. Over by the drop ship hysterically sobbing and screaming was Octavia being physically restrained by Jasper.

"We heard a gunshot go off what happened?" Clarke rushed out. The hundred glanced around each other, some people very openly crying. Trails of tears were leaking down faces and yet no one was answering. "What happened?" Asked Clarke and edge to her voice that clearly implied she needed to know now. "Who was shot?"

"Raven was shot." Someone speaks up. Finn pales instantly.

"Well where is she? I need to get to her." Someone carries Raven out from behind the drop ship. Clarke immediately sets to work on her, barking out orders. Deciding even moving her to the drop ship would be harmful she laid Raven down on the ground and set to work. In the back of Clarke's mind it registered somewhere that something else was wrong too. She knew Octavia wouldn't be that hysterical over Raven being shot and that others wouldn't be crying over Raven. Not many of them knew her. But she didn't allow herself to actually think these thoughts. After a few hours Raven had been stabilized. Clarke exhausted beyond comprehension turned to look around. People were milling about, some crying and hugging each other. Finally it clicked in Clarke's over worked brain that something else had happened.

She walked over to Jasper who was sitting silently off by himself tears rapidly falling down his cheeks.

"What happened? What am I missing?" Clarke questioned him. Jasper, heaving breaths tried to get the words out.

"I was in the drop ship. I saw-w Murphy kill someone." He says his voice cracking. " There was a gun but I wasn't fast enough, he got to it first. He took me hostage. Tied me up." He continued, the tears falling faster now. "It's my fault. It's all my fault. I- he offered himself up to Murphy, willing to sacrifice himself for me." Jasper sobbed his nose running now.

"Who Jasper? Who sacrificed himself?" Clarke asked already forming a guess and hoping to hell she was wrong. She didn't think she could handle it.

"Bellamy, Bellamy sacrificed himself for me. Murphy hung him." Jasper said hauntingly and slumping to the ground. Clarke's brain shut down. Jasper did not just say Bellamy. He didn't there was no way. Bellamy was strong, he wouldn't dare die. He wouldn't leave her to lead the hundred and face the grounders. He wouldn't do that to her. She needed him. But then recalling Octavia's wails, she knew. She knew he was dead. Bellamy Blake was dead and she hadn't been able to save him. Murphy. Murphy had killed him. It was her fault. She was the one that pleaded with him to give Murphy a second chance. Why didn't she listen to him? Why? Clarke broke down sobbing. Wanting to curl up and cry for hours. But on the outskirts of her vision she saw fuzzy shapes, people watching she realized. Suddenly she knew what had to be done. What Bellamy would be doing if roles had been reversed.

"Everyone! Gather round!" Clarke yelled her voice dangerously high and close to breaking. People began to cluster around her. They slipped out of their tents and made their way towards her.

"We lost a great leader today, in fact we lost one of the most caring person I know." Clarke starts water leaking out of her eyes. "But that doesn't mean we can shut down and stop fighting. The grounders are still coming, they aren't going to stop because we lost someone. They are going to come. And we need to make sure that we are prepared! We need to do what Bellamy would be doing if he was here right now! He would yell at everyone to get back to work and that we needed to be prepared. We cannot, stop because he is gone, because he isn't really gone. Bellamy Blake lives on in everyone of us that stands and fights! He lives on in each and everyone of us as we prepare to fight the grounders! So come on! Do what he would have told us all to do! Get ready for battle and push the grief aside. We are going to honor Bellamy by fighting like hell! Whose with me?" Clarke yelled watching the faces of the teenagers and children around her. None of them should have had to deal with this. They shouldn't have had to be worrying about survival or eating a meal. They shouldn't have to deal with the deaths of their comrades. And yet they did.

"I'm with you!" Shouted Jasper. "We are going to kick some grounder ass for Bellamy! You got it?" He asked. People shouted back affirmative answers and once again picked up their guns and tried to start preparing for battle again.

"We have to move the body." Finn said gently to Clarke. "We need to be able to use the drop ship again."

"Of course." Clarke agreed numbly. She just wanted to curl up in ball and not move. She forced herself to follow Finn into the drop ship. Even though she tried to prepare herself, she gasped out when she got there. Bellamy's lifeless body was suspended a red tether around his neck. His face was peaceful in death. Probably more peaceful than she had ever seen on him during his life. Finn untied the tether and the body fell to the floor. The two of them carried him outside. His cold skin felt like ice under Clarke's fingers. The set down the body and Clarke turned to Finn.

"Could you give me a minute?" She asked him.

"Uh, yeah, of course." He said and slowly backed away. Clarke grasped Bellamy's hand and started to sob violently. The terrible sobbing, nose running, tears gushing, hiccuping and gasping for breath. Bellamy was dead. He was never going to yell at anyone again. He was never going to give her those looks, the ones that clearly said _what do we do now. _He was never going to patronizingly call her princess again. He was never going to protect Octavia again. He was gone. Her tears dripped onto his body. She brushed the hair from his face and caressed his cheek. She had to be strong for the others. She was the leader now and she had to act like it. But no matter how hard she thought it she couldn't get a handle on her emotions. After hours of sobbing she succumbed to her exhaustion and fell asleep. In her dreams that night Bellamy was alive and well. Clarke wasn't so sure that she ever wanted to wake up.

**I hope you liked it and by liked it I mean you are currently sobbing violently but enjoyed my portrayal of the characters! :) Please do not send me death threats but let me know what you think! Thanks!**


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